New Years Resolutions

If you're looking to kick off your New Years diet, may I suggest the 24 hour stomach flu? You will feel awful for much longer than 24 hours, thus ensuring that all you consume is a steady diet of soup, crackers, and sprite. You will lose inches around your waist! You may wish for a quick death because surely it would be better than the pain you feel right now, but wow - will you look AMAZING once you are feeling better!!